Crap I hear!

Actung! 

I said Actung Baby!

So, on this glorious day of days I am starting a running blog with my compadre in crime, the Daikmer of Dilema, Mr. Danny Ward. 

I know, i know all the girls just got a mussy and the guys got all hard but please hold the applause until everyone is finished.  The puropse of our joint blog (if it happens) is to create a place to where we can rant, rave and misbehave( huh, whadda know - I rhymed).  Also we will use it to update our productions, meetings and party information. 

Mostly though this space will be used to propogate the rumors surrounding the Legendary Daikmer Dudes.  These guys, if you haven’t heard already, are the shit!  They can both sing and dance.  They can shimmy, shake, make the earthquake and all sorts of Jazz.  The best example I can give of how outrageous the Daikmer Dudes are comes from my girlfriend Angela.

Angela tells a story of woo and laughter when she recounts her first encountor with the Dudes.  The Daikmer Dudes where hanging out one day at a Video Store in the Big City where Angela worked when one of them came up to her and asked "Have you seen this Porno?" 

Angela tells the story in such a way that you laugh, you cry and walk on the Sun as if you were there with her during the original incident.  Her story telling is better then my righting so you should check out her page here at Friendster or over at www.myspace.com

So for all of those who have faitfully read this blog please join me in welcoming our new collaborater in Danny Ward and help us celebrate the Legendary Daikmer Dudes in style.

Take her Sleazy

B

I was walking around the city this past week with my family and discovered something about myself - I cannot stop sweating once it reaches 80 degrees.  My sweat glands have been in over drive this summer but particularly this past week.

95, 90, 95 - know what this is?  The temperature for the last few days and the percent of humidity as well.  Global warming anyone?  I mean come on!!  Do we need a big fucking neon sign hung from the Hubble to tell us "It’s getting hot in here so take off all your clothes" - or something to that effect?  All those rich, white guys (who I strive to become everyday) in Washington tell us not to worry about it but when was the last time they spent an afternoon in Battery Park praying for a breeze from the water?  When was the last time they went with out air conditioning for that matter?

Next time you hear an argument saying Global Warming is bullshit and other such crap ask them to explain how fucking hot it is in here.  Because at the rate it’s going in the big apple - "I am getting so hot I want to take off all my clothes"!!

Be good and Take her Sleazy

Skeet the Duck, for all of you who don’t know, is a lovable little puppet that makes itself known only on those special nights when Chicagonians have birthdays and drink heavily.  After Skeet the Duck makes his appearence, has harrassed all who see him, squak quite unlike a duck, and berate every single girl in the bar - he gets put away.

Now on the off chance that Skeet is not put away I have developed a continginecy plan.  See, Normal people can handle Skeet the Duck for only about 3.5 milliseconds but there are those who seem able to tolerate this Triump-wannabe for ungodly amounts of time.  These people are the ones that need to be stopped and here is how you do it-

1)Distract who ever is holding Skeet the Duck (usually with another Drink or a big Fat Bong rip)

2)While said person is distracted take Skeet the Duck and walk away wiith him in your back pocket

3)Hide Skeet for at least a week while you help the person who lost him look for it.

4)Give him back. 

5)Or burn him.  I think I like this one better

To All of you who want to free Skeet the Duck - do not worry no animals where harned in his kidnapping.  And rest assured he has been returned to his rightful owner and is squaking like never before.  Now shut that Fucking Duck UP!!!

Holy Crap!  What a Friday!  I will turn 25 a week from today and I am only a little excited.  Since I made the trip to NYC to live in February of 2003 I have had little to no contact with my family (althought my girlfriends family seems to visit everyother weekend).  Now my mother, god bless her, has decided to pay her oldest a visit for 5 days. 

For 5 days my mother will be living with me and my girlfriend in our quaint Upper East Side Apartment,  quaint here means tiny.  Well, I found out last night that my younger Brother will also be coming to saty for my birthday.  While I know some people will read this and say "What’s this dudes problem?  Who wouldn’t want their mother and brother coming to visit?"  Well, I’ll tell you who wouldn’t want it - ME! 

Not that I don’t love my family - I kinda do - it’s just that for 5 days I have to deal with them telling me how I live in sin/ should be married/ "I had you when I was your age"/ "how come New Yorkers are so mean?".  To this I will respond in the nicest way possible - I don’t know?

And if you think I’m being too critical or pessemistic about all of this get ready for the kicker.  My Father will also be here!!!  My father and mother divorced when I was 5 and have not gotten along since.  So maybe you can see my dilema.  Maybe you can’t? 

I need an excedrin and a bottle of Patron Silver to wash this coming headache away.

First Entry:

The crap you hear in New York City is like nothing you’ll hear anywere else.  From pissed off cabies to crazy ladies who like to annoy you just for the hell of it, you’ll experience it all here in the Big Apple. 

This "blog", as they have come to be known, is full of crap.  As a warning, I would suggest that if you value truth, justice and the american way then get the hell out of here!  The stories and snippets that you will read here are nothing if not made up and probably really lame ( I’m writting them and I can’t hardly stand to read it).

So if you’re looking for a good time - go somewhere else.  If you’re looking for some kind of truth or validation - go somewhere else.  But if you’re looking for a way to waste time at the office, ignore your signifigant other, or just like reading crappy writing from a crappy writer then stick around.  You just might be suprised.

I wouldn’t count on it